Poor Jim Tressel took a fall of epic proportions following Ohio State's infamous
"We don't really want all the rings and stuff you give us we just want
tattoos" scandal. From competing year-in and year-out for conference and
national championships to early retirement (read: "You're fired.").
Next, a fresh start - the universally-desired stint with an inexplicably
ridiculous job title at football powerhouse Akron: "Vice President of
Strategic Engagement." Completely fictional. AND it implies he's playing
second-fiddle to the head honcho - the president of strategic
engagement. Now? This:
I can't stop laughing at that picture. Good for Jim supporting the charity basketball game, but my God he looks beat. Just...beat. 20 pounds heavier. Hair stringy and flowing as ever. Classic plain Hanes socks folded over. Crisp high tops that look like they're from '86 and have never been touched. Look as he assumes the rare "Oh God what do I do with this thing" athletic stance. Not threatening to pass, dribble, shoot, or really much of anything. Just flatfooted. Calculating. Unmotivated. Tired. At least pretend to be athletic?
Stat sheet didn't turn out as well as planned either: 0-2, 2 rebounds, 2 turnovers. Rough day at the office, perpetuating his unfortunate fall. Tough to see for a former B1G great. But, credit to him, he's making $200K doing a fictional job. Things could be much, much worse.
Here's Manny Ramirez - America's Swagger Diplomat to Japan. Rodman has North Korea covered. I cannot imagine what it's like being Manny, or any ex-pat athlete for that matter, playing in Asia. The language barrier is outstanding, players actually try really hard during the regular season and half of them suck, you're the tallest person on the field/court, and you're the only person that doesn't carry either an enormous camera featuring a telescopic lens or a miniature, cutting-edge camera the size of your thumbnail around your neck at all times. You're out of place. You're, well, too American.
But Manny is an exception. He's having the time of his life over there. He leads the league in Home Runs, he gets to diplomatically spread the joy of dreadlocks, idiocy, marijuana, swagger, breaking the pace "light jog" maybe once a week, and laziness to a part of the world that hasn't quite picked up on it. Taiwan has got to be fascinated with this specimen. Good for you, Manny.
Team HuskGuys slow pitch softball started up two weeks ago (What? Yes, I'm batting 1.000 thank you for asking). After this inspiration, there is 0 chance I make it to first in under 15 seconds as I sit and admire another bloop single over the second baseman's head. Bat flips all day.
Chris Bosh and the Multiverse Video
This is what happens when you mix an absolutely massive LSD trip and sports. You get transported to the multiverse. Smoking humans with wolf heads and ghetto twangs are your leader. Poor Mike Miller's soul gets taken over. There's a cat sitting on a staff because...just because. And I don't even know what else because I only made it through four minutes before I nearly puked from dizziness and totally lost touch with reality. Amazing. Why Chris Bosh? Sam Cassell is the E.T. doppleganger?
Nebraska's average football fan is informed and knows his/her stuff. You have no choice in this state. Especially as a friend of mine. But occasionally you'll be awestruck at the amount stupidity that went in to making a radio call, comment, etc. BUT, at this point, we've managed to avoid any overlap between the underground creatures of Sokol and Western Nebraska meth heads making videos like this. The day Kenny Bell and the Multiverse comes out - we're headed in the wrong direction.
NBA teams and players in general seem like they couldn't possibly care any less during the regular season, but come playoff time the bench celly's ascend to another echelon. I would describe it as "kids in a candy shop," but I've never seen children react like this to...anything. Particularly Joakhim Noah, whose brain is so overwhelmed by this moment in Game 2, it can't decide between "I'm excited," "I just poured a bottle of tabasco in my eye socket," and "My hand flesh is burning."
Nebraska's Swag Player of the Week candidates of 2013 should take notes. Sometimes you have to go the extra mile and be the weirdest person on the field to be the most noticed.
Recently, HuskGuys had a guest from a PR firm request to make a post on our blog with some random thoughts and insight into our 2013 season. Because anything and everything mentioning Husker Football is important in the world, we figured, "Why not??" Here are his thoughts:
Ever since his freshman season, Taylor Martinez has been known as one of the most athletic quarterbacks in college football. He can create plays in a variety of ways, which often puts his team in position to win. However, now that he is a senior, isn’t it about time he gets those mechanics straightened out? By all accounts, Martinez is a hard worker both on and off the field. However, any time people compare your throwing motion to Tim Tebow, that should not be taken as a compliment. That is why this offseason is important for Martinez, not only as a college quarterback, but as a possible pro as well.
He showed improvement in his passing a year ago, throwing for 2871 yards and 23 touchdowns while completing 62% of his passes. Good numbers for any fantasy football team, however most of those came against teams who simply could not provide a lot of pressure. Not only that, but late in games his mechanics seemed to get worse. That led to a grand total of 12 interceptions in 2012, and many of them ended up costly. This offseason, Martinez is once again doing some work with quarterback coach Steve Calhoun. The focus will be on developing muscle memory, because at times it showed that last year Martinez would still revert to his own bad habits in the past. It makes sense for Martinez to head back to his Southern California roots, especially to escape the Lincoln bubble for at least a while. Any quarterback for a major program is going to receive pressure, and every Nebraska fan was frustrated at least a few times when Martinez made a senseless pass in 2012.
Nebraska needs both his legs and his arm this season if they are going to compete for a Big Ten title. As long as he stays healthy, he should be one of the best quarterbacks in the country. The arm will be the deciding factor when it is all said and done.
In an absolutely astonishing case of passionate fanhood and fat denial - a Peoria, Illinois native is sueing Derrick Rose for some of the more absurd reasons ever:
HipHop365 -Matthew Thompson, a self-described
long-time Bulls fan, and electrician claims Rose missing the entire
2012-2013 NBA regular season has caused him to have mental breakdowns
and emotional distress, which ultimately led to obesity issues.
BAAAAHAHAHA - he's blaming ME???
Yep. That's basically all you need to know. Now, listen, I can empathize with the mental breakdowns. After the Big 12 championship in 2009 I was seen violently throwing heat-seeking snowballs at innocent bystanders around my campus. Just felt right. After the Big 12 championship in 2010 I sent a queso dip-laden coffee table helicoptering across the living room into a wall. Queso. Everywhere. Cried. After last year's Big 10 championship I was uncontrollably convulsing with frustration and confusion and resorted to watching Elf curled up in a bed for the entire second half. That's just the championships.
I can feel that. But blaming any team at any level for obesity issues? Seriously? What kind of fat denial do you have to be in at that point? "Listen guys, I've gained 35 pounds in 3 months but it's not my fault alright?! If D-Rose would have come back, there's no way I'd be ordering takeout 6 times a day. No way. Things would be different. My diet is inversely proportional to the amount of minutes he plays per game. It's not that weird. LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME DERRICK!!!" I mean at what point do you crack and just admit you're fat because you're fat and have a fat person attitude?? Now this is nothing against fat people in general - everyone in America is fat. Just this one in particular. I don't know if it's more embarrassing to make national news just for being fat or making national news trying to blame an injured pro athlete that doesn't know you for making you fat.
One of my great memories as a Nebraska fan, somewhat surprisingly, was the game in 2007 versus USC. It was the featured gameday game for the first time in years, and #1 USC was coming to Lincoln to play #14 Nebraska. This was right in the heart of Pete Carroll's dynasty where the Rose Bowl served as their consolation prize, and the Big 10 had to offer up a team to play them like a sacrificial goat. I was tired of it. Nebraska was undefeated. Time to sack Troy. We made our signs and arrived there as the sun peaked its head over East Stadium, greeted by a College Gameday record crowd of about 20,000 in Memorial.
We admired the sheer number of signs that would make the WWF salivate, booed Notre Dame because we're American, and enjoyed the show. When Lee put the Trojan gear on I thought someone was going to jump off the edge of the skyboxes. The place erupted. The free seat cushions they had handed out upon entry were turned from souvenir into razor blade weapons of destruction being flicked every which direction, I took a video on my old phone that sounded and looked like nothing short of a horror movie. People screaming as they were hit in the face by cushions zipping around. I threw my water bottle at Corso, which was blocked by the protective netting behind the cast. It was one of the most hilarious scenes I have ever been a part of. A miniature riot just over a prediction. We took that personally. Surely, we'd prove our new public enemy wrong that night?
Wrong. They scored. And scored. And scored. And ran. And laughed. And passed. And ran. And I laughed. Hysterical fits. And the wheels came off. Coach He-who-must-not-be-named climbed further up Nebraskan's list of most hated people, situated somewhere between Saddaam Hussein and Kliff Kingsbury. And the season was history.
BUT, on a more positive note, we're back for another season. Our defense is just as bad, but we're back nonetheless. There's nothing like waking up to College Gameday on a Saturday morning, even if Corso has become degenerate and senile with every passing year, and I'd love to see Gameday back with the greatest fans in college football. Here are our three best chances to see it at home.
3. Northwestern - November 2nd Why we could get it: 10th week of the season, both teams will be battling for B1G supremacy. Nebraska could very well be 9-0 at this point with the softer schedule and this game being the biggest test since UCLA early in the year. That's a non-conference game though, so even with the loss, both teams could be undefeated in the B1G at that point. Why we won't: Northwestern will not be undefeated in the B1G at that point, especially after they play Ohio State and at 'Sconnie in back to back weeks in October. Additionally, that weekend features Georgia vs. Florida, Miami vs. Florida State, and Michigan at Michigan State. "Rivalry Weekend." Damn.
2. Michigan State - November 16th Why we could get it: Again, our weakened schedule is promising. I expect the B1G to be having another down year, with exception to the top 4 schools, so this may be one of the only chances for B1G teams to host if both are competitive. Both teams have favorable schedules, and State's biggest two games are likely at Notre Dame and hosting Michigan two weeks prior. We could both be 1 or 2 loss teams with just three weeks remaining. Why we won't: I don't see us faring so well with Michigan this year in Ann Arbor the weekend before. Additionally, that game at Michigan might actually be our best chance to be the Gameday game of the year. Stanford and USC, TCU at K State pop out on paper that weekend. Michigan State might not actually be that good. Or, not as good as I'm giving them credit to be.
1. UCLA - September 14th Why we could get it: Nebraska will be a top 20 team at 2-0, UCLA will be a very good top 20 team coming off a bye week sitting at 1-0. Obviously, this is one game we'd love back from last year. Just a disaster. This game is going to be getting a ton of hype, as it pits two teams expected to compete for BCS conference titles head to head, and gets Gus Johnson preparing for another inevitable mental and verbal meltdown. I love you Gus. UCLA might just be THE favorite to win the PAC 12 South again, as Lane Kiffin drives his powerhouse into mediocrity and scandal some more. Most other teams will be playing Boys Town and Iowa School for the Deaf and Blind at this point in the season, and the weekend schedule isn't all that competitive. Alabama plays at A&M that weekend, but the crew normally tries to space out the teams they cover, and 'Bama is almost guaranteed 2 more featured games later in the year. Why we won't: Again, Alabama plays at A&M that weekend. So...yea. That sucks.
Overall, it's not looking too bright due to the schedules across the country. But a guy can dream.
